MY FIRST BOUDOIR EXPERIENCE: THE REAL, RAW, UNFILTERED STORY OF HOW I FOUND MY WAY TO BOUDOIR

Let's be honest...deciding to hire a boudoir photographer is a little daunting.

The idea of being that exposed in front of a stranger? Terrifying for a lot of people. For others, it's the vulnerability itself that brings up all the anxiety and uncertainty. I was one of those people.

I sat with it for a long time, having the internal debates about readiness, attractiveness, and budget that I suspect you might be having right now when considering booking a boudoir session.

And at the core of all of it? My deepest fear: not being good enough.

I've struggled with body image for most of my life. The idea of being in front of a camera, in lingerie, taking boudoir photos, well, that mortified me.

After a lot of deliberation and some serious encouragement from one of my dearest friends, I decided to take the plunge. The nerves didn't go anywhere. I showed up anxious, doubtful, and uncertain anyway.

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Committing to the Boudoir Session

Once I commit to something, I see it through, so once the decision was made, I was propelled into action. The first step was finding the right boudoir photographer.

My friend and I spent hours scouring the internet and social media. We wanted someone within budget who also resonated with us on a deeper level.

For me, that meant finding someone who genuinely embodied inclusive values, someone who understood and supported each and every beautiful human, regardless of race, ethnicity, gender identity, age, and body size.

I needed someone with a real approach to body positivity, who would actually put me at ease.

I eliminated every single Indianapolis photographer because of my fear (however unfounded) of running into them in public. 

The search was intense, and after narrowing it down, we chose a photographer more than five hours away.

The Doubt That Stuck Around about Boudoir

Choosing my photographer did not make the anxiety disappear. Not even a little.

Leading up to the shoot, my brain was running a full highlight reel of worst-case scenarios.

What if I regret this?
What if I waste my money?
Could I even pose comfortably?
Would I look good in the lingerie I chose?
What if I'm the exception, the one person they just can't capture well?
What if I get these photos back and never want to be photographed again?

It was a roller coaster through a pretty deep cavern of self-loathing, and I was petrified.

Telling the Inner Critic to Shut Up

Here's the thing. I know from my background in wellness coaching that my negative self-talk is my worst critic.

I simply (who am I kidding...not so simply) had to tell that version of myself to shut the hell up. Once I did, I was able to do the actual work of replacing the spiral with talk that built me up.

Would I look good in the lingerie I chose? Yes, the fuck I would.

I had read every blog and fashion article I could find about lingerie for larger-bodied women. I tried pieces on in front of my partner, my sister, and my closest friends.

They helped me narrow it down and pick the best ones.

I answered my own doubts with action. Yes. I could do this. Phew.

Preparing for My First Boudoir Shoot

I was still nervous on the day of the shoot. I arrived at the studio feeling that particular cocktail of nervous and excited.

The hair and makeup artist noticed my eyes right away, which was an up moment. I've got this, I thought.

Then she mentioned she'd be using double the fake lashes and my spirits immediately took a dive. Oh no. I look so bad she needs to compensate.

She must have sensed the shift. She told me my eyes were so incredibly green she wanted them to really pop.

She was excited that she had a blank canvas and she was going to be bold.

And just like that, I was back and ready, physically and emotionally.

Doing the Boudoir Shoot

After hair and makeup, my photographer and I talked through the outfits I brought, my expectations for the shoot, and the concerns I was carrying.

As a diabetic, I wasn't ready for my glucose monitor to be prominent in the photos. She heard me, told me she'd be conscious of it, and put me at ease.

My photographer walked me through the order of the outfits, and I headed to the changing room.

Saying that walking out in my lingerie was nerve-wracking is the understatement of the millennium. I was exposed, really exposed, and I just had to dive in and make the best of it.

As the shoot went on, the nerves started to dissipate. I began to feel more confident, more comfortable in front of the camera.

My photographer provided encouragement the entire time, and that made me feel more empowered with every set.

By the end, I was in a revealing mesh bodysuit and genuinely thought nothing at all about those things I'd been so worried about before I arrived.

Leaving the Studio after My Boudoir Shoot

When the shoot wrapped, I left feeling elated and proud of myself for facing what had felt so impossible.

And then the anxiety found its next target. Would my photo reveal prove everything I'd feared from day one?

I waited nearly three weeks. When the 70+ images finally came back, I had to narrow the selection down to three prints, which was my chosen package.

At first, I didn't love every single one. Out of the full gallery, I loved-loved-loved about 25.

I liked another 40 or so, and a handful made me stop and wince a little. They reminded me that I am human and wonderfully flawed.

One of the pictures, I remember thinking, made me look like I was trying to poop.

I kept going back to look at my photos, even the ones that didn't resonate.

Over time, I learned to appreciate and genuinely love each one, even the constipated-looking shots.

Fast forward to today, when I own the entire collection. 

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Reflecting on My First Boudoir Experience

Looking at those photos today, I'm glad I took the chance.

It was challenging, and rewarding, and it helped me see myself in a new light. If I'm being completely honest, it gave me the nudge I needed to eventually invest in my own boudoir business, Enchanted Moments Artistry.

Because of my experiences in front of the camera, I now want to make others feel as empowered as I did in that studio.

If you're considering booking a boudoir session, know that it's okay to feel anxious and uncertain.

Take the time to find the right photographer, someone who will make you feel comfortable and genuinely guided.

Sure, the end result includes gorgeous, empowering photos, but more importantly, it's a new way of seeing yourself.

And trust me, you won't regret it.

Let's chat about what a session looks like. 

- XO -

Brandy S. Wood, Owner, Enchanted Moments Artistry

P.S. Come hang out with us in the Facebook Group! Enchanted Moments Artistry | The Becoming Collective is a space for those who identify as women and is built around body positivity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Join us for community, encouragement, and the occasional shenanigans.